Ignorance

You still speak of your ex, her wealth and her greatness, while I simmer in my standardness, never able to be that wonderful.

You are not aware of your effect on me. When your instant message appears on my screen during work hours, I feel my stomach doing somersaults like it did when I was ten. I don’t get why, you are not someone I ever dream my life is complete with. Yet I can not say no.

I act like you are just a friend. An acquaintance I met at a place we work together but I feel like I know you more than you will ever know. Applying lipstick carefully when we are just meeting for after-work-drinks. Acting nonchalant I pretend it’s just a beer but I will gladly rearrange my life for you even though I should not because you won’t do the same. I’m just another girl to add to your list of friends.

You are no good for me. You want things my wage can not buy. You care for things that don’t save lives. You want things I do not want and know things I have never known. But you and I are made from a similar cloth that I wear everyday. I want to ignore you, be cool and tough but for some reason I just can’t.

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